Standing up for Civility

We all witness incivility, but how often do we speak up and tell the rude person they are rude?  I’ll do it with students as part of my teacher role, where I feel obliged to protect the rights of other students.   At a reading by a famous author in  Hughes-Trigg auditorium, I told some girls in front of me that their candy wrappers and chatter were annoying people.  They turned to look disgustedly at me and then got up and walked out.  Mission accomplished.  

However, in my private life, I usually shrink from the task, wanting to avoid confrontation.   A few days ago, I ran into Central Market for some eggs and a birthday card.  Being in a hurry, I went to check out in the “Express” lane, where the limit is 15 items.   At least six people stood in line in front of me.  At one of the check-outs, a woman with a cart was holding things up.   Finally, the cashier started handing over the bagged groceries, at least four full bags. 

I wondered, was this shopper too stupid to read the sign, too self-absorbed to notice, or maybe just arrogant enough to think the rules don’t apply to her?  I wanted to walk up to her and say nicely, “The express lane is for people in a hurry, so next time, if you have more than 15 items, please don’t use it.”  But I didn’t.  Even on my second chance I didn’t, when I saw her outside the door, just two feet away.  As I walked to my car, I felt I had dodged the chance to right a wrong.   And after all, what could she have done to me?  She looked like an earth-mother type who probably had six little vegans waiting at home for their beets and broccoli. 

What is the right thing to do in these situations?  Would P.M. Forni have spoken up?  He writes about speaking up on a train in Italy to a disruptive group of high school students on a field trip.   His choice was not whether to speak, but how to speak, to show his anger or make a polite request.  Could they please tone it down so he and his wife could have a conversation, thanks.  Of course, he had more at stake than I did—my moment of irritation was over, but he was facing a long, annoying ride in a closed compartment. 

Is speaking up for civility minding other people’s business?  I inwardly applaud the folks who tell the rude that they are rude.  They enforce the rules, and a society needs rules.  The police can’t always be there to fine the person who takes a handicapped parking space but doesn’t need it, or who lets an unruly dog run off leash in the park.  I think speaking up politely is minding everybody’s business.  If we tolerate rudeness, we just perpetuate an ever more rude society.